


memory

by WingsOfTime



Series: roza [18]
Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Grief, HoT Spoilers, Poetry, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24963883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingsOfTime/pseuds/WingsOfTime
Summary: poem date: 1333 AE - "I don't keep track of it anymore."
Relationships: Trahearne/Male Player Character (Guild Wars) (implied)
Series: roza [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1252070
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	memory

I do not understand nostalgia.

I cannot separate it from pain

Memories are such sweet pain; memories of you the sweetest and most painful

They feel like I am choking

on what others call confections, sugary treats

Yet not enough to die.

Is that what grief is?

no

Grief is a sudden swelling of agony knotted so tightly it does not choke

only suffocates.

I remember seeing you everywhere after you were gone.

In the husks of trees and corpses, in the eyes of a friend I was cruel to

because he reminded me of you.

But I remember your last moments they were

so awful

so merciless

Sometimes I wonder whether I run from seeing you in suffering and rot.

You named me after a flower and sometimes I wish

I could prick myself with my thorns

Just to know if I can still bleed.

Except our race bleeds life

I could gouge your name into my bark and never be satisfied

Because the inside cannot match the outside—it is impossible—

We are too beautiful, too dewy, too innocent and naïve

You were the first among us and yet even you were young

You didn’t deserve that

You didn’t deserve to die.

I didn’t deserve to have you taken from me.

I do not want you to be just a click of a communicator away

across passage to another world to which

I do not belong

But which the stain of my soul has besmirched.

I want you to be here with me, next to me

I ache to feel the warmth and life of your body leaning against mine

as I read

as I laugh

as I cry

as I am bored

as I simply live.

I wish you could live with me.

I suppose that is the fare of my passage

That I can never have that

I can tear impossibilities into the fabric of reality

for eternity when it is fleeting and alive

but I cannot have you.

This is supposed to help me with my grief

It is supposed to heal me

but never have I felt such pain.

well, I have

once.

**Author's Note:**

> [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXBNlApwh0c)


End file.
